Waiting and changing

So the reason I haven’t posted anything cancer-related lately is there has been nothing to post. We met with that medical oncologist who made me really unhappy and he sent away for the Oncotype DX test, and there was an insurance snafu, so the results are not back.

In the meantime I made appointments with two other medical oncologists, both recommended by other women who have been through the breast cancer wringer. We met with one today and I cannot even begin to explain the difference. I left the last appointment feeling defeated, worried, unhappy, helpless, and judged. I left this appointment feeling supported, understood, heard, hopeful, healthy, and capable. Where the other doctor basically presented us with statistics and a one-size-fits-all treatment plan, this doctor (also a male) was flexible, agreed that the treatment should be my choice and fit with my life, and cited numerous examples not just of women delaying taking Tamoxifen but also of using a totally different drug, Lupron. He also noted my history of depression and stated that these drugs are contraindicated for depression – something the other doctor didn’t notice/mention – and said that would be a concern and something we’d have to keep a close eye on.

This doctor has mannerisms and phrasing that were so familiar and reminded me so much of my Dad that I finally asked him where he was from. He told me New York City, and when I told him I was from Philadelphia, he said, “Oh you’re not a Phillies and Eagles fan are you?” and snarled disparagingly. LOVE.

Several times during our meeting he touched my hands or my shoulder gently and reassuringly. Everything about him was the polar opposite of what I experienced with the other doctor and I actually cried during this appointment as well – from relief.

I have been walking around for the past two weeks with a gray cloud over my head, feeling fearful and depressed about the future, uncertain how my life was going to play out at the hands of medical professionals. After meeting with this doctor I feel in charge of my treatment, the hows, whats, and whys, and like I have a partner in my care plan, instead of someone who will dictate what I should do and show disapproval if I do not agree.

Could not be more grateful. Really looking forward to moving through this now instead of dreading it.

4 thoughts on “Waiting and changing

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