Still Ill

Well, still a l’hôpital.

My WBC count is rising. The hospital physician said she was confident to send me home with oral antibiotics, but that we had to wait to talk to the infectious disease specialist. He kept us waiting quite literally all day before moseying in here at 6pm and telling me I can’t go home, at which point I promptly burst into tears.

First, I was already annoyed by the fact that I had to wait all day to see this guy. Then, I was not crazy about his manner when he did come in – smug, knowing, authoritative. Finally, when I started to cry and told him it was because I missed my kids, he asked, “Didn’t you travel with them?” Yes, I answered. They’re at my Mom’s. He looked at me uncomprehending and asked, “Well isn’t your husband with them?” Okay, a) how do you even know I have a husband, Dr. Presumptuous? And b) HOW THE F**K IS HIM BEING WITH THEM SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME MISS THEM LESS??? Clearly a man who has never missed a child in his life.

Anyhow my crying sort of freaked him out I guess because he went to check the numbers again and call Dr. Kaplan. They transferred Dr. K to my phone and I chatted with him and as usual, he was perfect – understanding, sympathetic, and reassuring.

In the end, this is the deal: I have a cold. My brother-in-law has it, my sister has it, we’re all living in the same small house. BUT there is no way to prove that it’s just a cold and not an “underlying infection.” So with my WBC count still low (although exactly in the range it’s supposed to be in following chemo) and with me running a low-grade fever (although I’m not anymore) they want to keep me here for at least another night till my blood cultures come back and my WBC continue to rise.

Dr. K says he’s sure I am absolutely fine and 99% certain they will be able to release me tomorrow. Dr. Smug says, “Why didn’t he give you a Neulastin shot? Does he want me to give you one now?” Patient Kate says, “F**k you, you pretentious jackass, I trust Dr. K and I DON’T trust you so get out of my grim hospital room.”

So that’s basically the long and the short of it. I’m stuck here at least another night pending blood culture results and WBC count results. Also my hair is falling out like whoa.

And maybe I’ve been here too long but dinner tonight was delicious.

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