Two cycles in, made my schedule of side effects, the list of medications I have to take, thinking I’m getting the hang of chemo. I’m bald, I’m dealing with it. I even go out in public that way, although it has definitely impacted my self-confidence negatively, and I am still startled and disappointed on occasion when I’m having a good time and suddenly see my reflection. “Oh, right – I’m bald.” Still, everyone has been so supportive and complimentary and kind, I’m just rolling with it. I don’t feel great but I feel good – at least, when I’m not feeling physically bad.
Then Saturday I started getting a painful red rash on my neck. Large, red, awful bumps, right at the bottom of my hairline, like acne. I was super self-conscious and nearly canceled my plans to go dancing, but decided no one would see them in the dark.
Now they’re on my head, too. Not as big as the ones on my neck, but a rash all the same. I emailed my doctor (who emailed me back – on a Sunday!) and he replied that he thought it was probably folliculitis, and he’d send a scrip for antibiotics over to my pharmacy.
So here I am with an entirely new side effect, and an entirely new medication, and an entirely new reason to feel self-conscious and shitty, and just for a second, it’s easy to see how I could slip into self-pitying despair. Because this sucks, and I still have over 2 months to go, and who knows what else is going to go wrong.