I’m already in a grumpy place because it’s raining here AGAIN while it’s snowing like crazy on the east coast. I loathe winters here anyhow – all gray and rainy, nothing to love – but knowing that they’re getting snow in the place where I’m from (and where I’d rather be living) is the icing on the cake.
But that really just sets the scene for the thing that’s really annoying me. Chemo is causing me to gain weight.I have struggled with my weight/body image issues for literally as long as I can remember – so over 30 years, which is a long time. When I started chemo, the nausea was preventing me from eating normally, and I initially lost 5 pounds. In the weeks since, however, I have noticed that I am nauseated for the first week, then ravenous for the next week. I’m not sure that’s 100% of the problem, though – I suspect it’s more about the Lupron, which I get a shot of every chemo cycle to keep my ovaries shut down.
I’m about ten pounds up now, still about 10 pounds less than my all-time high, but I feel absolutely miserable. I’m all wide hips, thick thighs, and big butt, with a small, bald head at the very top. I feel like an ostrich. But without the long graceful neck or beautiful plumage.
Anyhow there’s no point to this post except to say damn it, Hollywood, your portrayal of cancer/chemo led me to believe I’d be wasting away to nothing and instead here I am fat and bald. Thanks for giving me unrealistic expectations yet again.