There is a strange and hollow loneliness that comes from being in a unique situation that no one else you know is in or has been in. The general sense may be familiar, but the particulars are such that the concept itself becomes a very specific monster.

I count my blessings and find they overflow, but still this monster casts its shadow on my heart, and I don’t know how to talk about it or even who to talk to. There is nothing anyone can do and maybe not even anyone who could understand, because words seem to fail me.

And not for the first time in my life I find myself wishing desperately for a true soothsayer, a special soul who could open a window to the future and show me what lies ahead so that I could sleep without tossing and turning and live without a pall on even my sunniest hours.

Speechless and without foresight, I’ll keep smiling through.

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