Oz Series Finale: WTF

I know this is a major deviation from my standard blog fare, but the cancer couldn’t last forever, and it was kind of a downer, right? So I think I might start blogging about some other stuff as the mood strikes. And when I have time. So, like twice a year. We’ll see.

Anyhow. I have been binge watching the TV series Oz for, I don’t know, the last year. How does it take a year to binge watch a six-season TV show, you ask? Add two toddlers to your life, plan to binge watch it only when you have time to watch TV by yourself (not with your significant other), and then take a second to congratulate me that it only took a year.

I am about to go into major spoiler mode so if you haven’t watched Oz (I do recommend it, in spite of the SHITTIEST SEASON FINALE IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION) and you want to, just bookmark this and come back to it. Believe me, you’ll want to.

Okay, WHAT HAPPENED? Did they run out of money? Steam? Did the show get canceled halfway through the sixth season? Seriously I ask you wtf?

Let’s start with Alvarez. Did he prove he’s changed to the new parole board head? Will he get out at his next parole hearing? Will he find love with Cutler’s widow? And why the hell did Cutler leave him all his stuff? Did the writers have an explanation for that in mind that we’ll just never get to see?

BOBBY CANNAVALE. Did you know he used to be hot? He was. He was a hot gay man (virgin?) with bleached hair and a crazy eye and lipgloss who goes to Oz because he throws acid in someone’s face. Why did he do that? Why is his eye crazy? Is he really a virgin? Do he and Alvarez form a relationship? Why the hell does he want to “be” Alvarez? Why did they introduce him midway through the sixth season if his storyline wasn’t going anywhere?!?

Joffrey?!? Who is this guy?!? What’s going to happen with him and O’Reily’s mother? More importantly, what is going to happen with O’Reily and Nathan? Both Joffrey and O’Reily are handsome and intriguing, I feel like we deserve to know more about what happens with their characters.

WHAT WAS IN THE JAR? Was it anthrax? Why would someone send a jar THAT BIG of anthrax to the prison?

Governor Devlin! Is that motherfucker going down or what?!? Let’s face it, we all waited six seasons to see him go down in a rain of fire! You’re really going to hint at that and then… nothing?! He needs to end up in Oz with Robson as his roomie!

And Robson – is he experiencing remorse? Turning over a new leaf? Guess we’ll never know.

Uh, Pablo? What was his point? He was gunning to be a major character and then… splat. That’s it, no more info.

Stella and Rebadow. Together? Not together? Friends? She survives BC? Does she have to get chemo? (Ah, the blog DOES come back to cancer, after all!)

Jessica Kirk – what the hell? Was that just a mind game? Is she going to come back and make Masuka’s life hell or what? What was the point of that?

Jax! And his Dad! And his birth parents! What the hell? Why even introduce that storyline?

I can’t think of any more pressing questions I had although I am sure if I’d been taking notes I could have come up with some. Right up to the end I was hoping. “Well, maybe they’ll do text saying what happens to the characters.” But no. Just a bus going nowhere.

A perfect metaphor for the series.